I get cold sores. When I was younger they were more frequent, maybe five a year. Now I get two, maybe three. It riles me there is no cure. I feel ugly with a cold sore. I can’t kiss Kristine and when the scab forms, it seems bolted on for about a week.
If it comes off before it is ready, my lip bleeds. Everybody notices. I hate them.
Cold sores are caused by an opportunistic virus. They generally appear when people are stressed or their body is fatigued. Earlier this year, I got one after the Gold Coast half marathon and another one after the Brisbane half marathon.
The only explanation for my current cold sore is stress. It was no surprise that it developed overnight after talking to Rochelle about the job advertisement she pulled.
I should’ve expected it. It was too late to eat pills and apply cream but I did it anyway.
Feeling ugly and depressed, I cuddled Angus in bed while Kristine made coffee. He was noisy and happy, little arms and feet moving about. I was making him laugh
Bang… Angus found me with a left hook, right on the cold sore. I moved away, grabbing his little hand when his left foot kicked me in the mouth, right on the cold sore.
Getting out of bed, I took him to his room, putting him on the change mat and holding his left foot and hand while reaching for the steriliser. When Kristine found us in his room, she frowned.
‘What are you doing,’ she said.
‘Sterilising,’ I said.
‘What, why?’
‘He punched and kicked me on the cold sore,’ I said. ‘He’s going to eat his hand and foot in two seconds so they’ve got to be clean.’ I tickled his belly. ‘I don’t want you to get a cold sore.’
Angus giggled as I rubbed steriliser on his tiny fingers and toes. When I was done he found his left foot and sucked his big toe.
I sighed. ‘Hope he doesn’t get drunk,’ I said.
Angus had never kicked or punched me in the mouth before. I handed him to Kristine, thinking about a conversation at Yamba, when Andy asked if she’d go back to work.
‘I would but I’m not sure Matt wants that.’
Vicki laughed. ‘You could be stay at home daddy,’ she said. Andy and Vicki have two boys, Matthew and Ben, aged eight and six. Vicki is a great mum.
‘If I don’t have a job by January she can go back to work,’ I said. My tone ended the conversation and it had been left in Yamba.
Back in Banyo, Angus was pulling Kristine’s hair. She broke the grip. Dozens of black strands hung from his little hands.
‘I wish he would stop doing that,’ she said.
Later that afternoon I was with Angus on the bed. I could’ve slept, a rare afternoon snooze but entertaining him was better. His laugh is contagious, just like any baby. I am like a baby. When he laughs, I laugh.
Kristine sat on the bed. We had another conversation about her possible return to work.
‘I’m not sure you can do it,’ she said.
I offered bluff. ‘We’ll be fine.’ Angus rolled over, laughing.
She picked him up. I got up, having lain down for about five minutes. I went back to the vegetable patch, looking, digging and pulling out nutgrass. I hate nutgrass.
At lunchtime I came inside for a bread roll. Kristine was holding Angus, looking at the couch.
‘I lost an earring,’ she said. I lifted cushions. We looked for about five seconds before giving up. I spent some time with Angus on the play mat, demonstrating the hand pass with the tiny North Melbourne football before handing it to him.
He chewed it.
Hours later, after Angus had been fed, bathed and put to bed, Kristine found her earring on the high chair as she was wiping the seat.
She held it up. ‘Lucky he didn’t swallow it.’
It must’ve gotten caught on his clothing. If he’d found it, it would’ve ended up in his mouth. He probably would’ve swallowed it.
As Kristine said, it was lucky he didn’t. That little spike could’ve lodged anywhere. It made me realise, once again, how vulnerable babies are and the effort required to look after them.
Despite all the advice, all the warnings and compelling testimony from other parents, I had grossly misunderstood the level of care and attention babies need.
If I was working, I never would’ve understood how it feels to be a fulltime parent. I was hooked on unemployment, because of my boy.
